Seniors: If I Were to Remarry

Dec 1st, 2010 | By | Category: Senior Moments Blog

Sitting quite comfortably in my study, looking out on acres of fallen leaves and stately pines, sun filtering the shadows, an occasional squirrel happily ascending the huge oak outside my window, I have no reason to consider remarriage now. But, for those who need some means for evaluating such a possibility, this theme popped into my mind today.

What if? What if, having lost a spouse through illness or death or separation or however it comes in late life, one is faced with the question: Shall I remarry? Sufficient time has passed and a touch of loneliness has become more frequent. You have noticed that you are noticing more, those who might qualify. You have felt some sensations of companionship that you think you might enjoy again. You have even visited a website that touts meeting others, your age, your type, your interests.

So where do you go from here? Perhaps you want to talk it over first. Find someone who will listen. Seek out a sympathetic ear. Perhaps, it might even be with someone for whom there have been some stirrings. If they have appeared to be mutual, tread with care. It may be a counselor, someone who can help, at this stage, to evaluate the feelings, promptings, urgings that you are having.

If you haven’t tried a date (however defined) perhaps that is the next step. Something simple. An outing to a pleasant coffee shop or other subdued place, where conversation is the goal. Spend time exploring each other’s history. Nothing macabre. Nothing too piercing of privacy. Just casual, comfortable, non threatening in any respect.

Three or four warnings should apply. No intimacy. No touching, unless it is spontaneous and invited. No sensitive and personal questions or comments. Not now. Not unless the atmosphere is electric and the conversation suggests you are both ready to talk about future possibilities.

From here, you will need to decide how to proceed.  You may part with a plan for a second date.  Or not.  You can be prepared to avoid an awkward ‘goodbye’ moment by extending your hand or offering a warm and genuine hug (outstretched arms), if you feel so inclined.   Plan in advance whether you will be comfortable with the possibility of hugs or more intimate kisses.  Know what you are comfortable with and give the right signals.

If you are on the road to interest in marriage, observe the speed limits, watch for the curves, be careful at four way intersections. Give yourself enough time to reach your destination. Be sure your fellow passenger is interested in arriving at the same place.

As time goes by, let it. Make sure that the journey is as important as the destination.

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