Seniors: Considering Remarriage, Part Two

Dec 16th, 2010 | By | Category: Senior Moments Blog

Whether for romance or practicality, older persons, widowed, divorced or just single, may consider remarriage or marriage.   In doing so there are a variety of factors that, depending on your particular circumstance, need consideration and contemplation. 

If widowed, those circumstances that bear evaluation are several. If divorced, the dynamics take on a different configuration.  If single, and never having been married, another set of conditions apply.

The factors that influence marriage, and help contribute to a good marriage, are numerous and varied.  Whether one has been married previously or never married before creating a partnership takes genuine and careful evaluation, thought and willingness to make serious adjustments. 

Having been married before offers no guarantee that the next episode can be assured of success.  Expecting a new spouse to be just like the previous one is a mistake.  It is probably prudent to consider counseling before entering into a contract for marriage.  It is useful to look at all the pros and cons which will make for a workable relationship.  Make no assumptions that just because there appears to be a camaraderie, that that condition will continue unabated. 

Understandings that need discussion include

  • the living arrangement; where will you live? current home or a new one?
  • economics and budget; who contributes what? who pays for what? is money kept separate or are you pooling it? 
  • furniture choices; how much is kept from the past? and how much new stuff will you purchase? how do you decide what to keep and what to get rid of? 
  • health issues and health history; a candid discussion of current and past health issues needs to be held, and both of you need to know what actual and potential concerns are on the table;
  • how do you handle other family members, particularly children of each of you;  what concerns do they have? have you thoroughly discussed your arrangements and understandings with them?  what are their feelings and reactions? how will their responses affect your plans?
  • expectations for housekeeping and other daily chores; who does what around the house? how are meals handled? who cleans house? who takes out the garbage?
  • what do you enjoy doing together? what do you have in common?  table games? card games? travel? small group activity? worship? You don’t have to plan to do everything together, but a modicum of togetherness should be part of your relationship.
  • where do you go for vacations? do you enjoy the same kinds of relaxation? or will your vacations be separate?
  • what are your pet peeves?  can you be honest about what really makes you grind your teeth??
  • how will you spend holidays? will you mix your families? or will you have separate family gatherings?

These are just a few of the biggies that require airing and serious discussion.  Avoiding discussion only creates problems that you will have to address in the future.  Discussion now avoids future problems.  It’s your choice.  

Let us know if you have suggestions in addition to these that we can share with others facing the prospect of a senior marriage.  We would love to hear from you!

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