Senior Citizens: Considering Marriage Again

Jun 23rd, 2010 | By | Category: Senior Moments Blog

Widowed or divorced, is considering marriage again a worthwhile undertaking or an adjustment beyond my desires?  Marrying again is not for everyone. On  the other hand, the single life, at an older age, can present major issues and difficulties.

Most second marriages are predicated on a series of experiences requiring evaluation and careful consideration.  Loneliness is likely the most compelling reason for developing a relationship that may eventuate in marriage.  Being alone, with all that that implies, can be a very depressing and debilitating state. Some, however, find the single life to be peaceful, rewarding, satisfying and enough.  So, when the situation has been examined and evaluated and another person has been introduced which may make the dynamic more intriguing, then the whole equation changes.  It is then that individual and collective needs require consideration from another point of view. 

The most important thing about marriage, at an older age, is to be clear about one’s own motivations.  Am I doing this for the right reasons?  What about this relationship, this person brings meaning and zest to my life and our collective togetherness?  Do we respect each other, our pasts, our families, our previous spouse and memories, our differing needs? 

If I am searching for (as a male) a chef, a nurse, a housekeeper, someone to manage my life, are these reasons clear to me and will they be satisfied (or should they be) ?  If I am searching for (as a female) a provider, a lover, a person who likes to have fun, someone who enjoys what I do, a person who shares in living together chores, someone like or unlike my previous mate, will this person meet most of these expectations?

Will we  be compatible in our values, in our expectations for the future, in the things we will want to do together, in our financial goals, in our blending our families?

Will we find it rather easy and comfortable to determine where we shall live, in what kind of domicile, in ways that will accommodate our family needs?  How will we handle health issues as they arise?  What if someone in the family disapproves of our relationship? If we belong to two different religious orientations, how will we reconcile that?

The reality of remarriage is that while cake may be served at the reception, it may not be a piece of cake to keep the union happy and well balanced.  Being honest, candid, and forthright in dealing with as many issues as possible beforehand will more likely contribute to a healthy and mature relationship.  If one or both parties comes to the relationship with less than realistic and wholesome expectations, you can be sure that there will be a rocky road ahead.  Being confident that each issue that arises can be appropriately confronted and resolved will allow for a growing and enriching relationship no matter what!

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