When You Have Something You Need to Say

Mar 27th, 2009 | By | Category: Senior Moments Blog

Interpersonal relationships often create the need for straight from the heart, eye to eye conversations. Often, without even knowing why, these conversations rise to the surface. Perhaps it is intuition, a look, a misplaced word, a series of frosty encounters, being ignored that presses the need to look for and find ways for conciliation.

Assuming both parties are ready, or ready or not, the initiator who has something needing to be said, will find that sensitive care and absence of a blaming or judgmental disposition will be required. Rehearsing what “needs to be said,” might even be useful.

Body language and choice of words will carry the message of sincere desire or desire for further provocation. The latter, while perhaps creating momentary satisfaction, will likely do little to rectify any differences that may exist. Sending a “I really told him or her” message will do nothing to provide for improvement in a relationship.

Looking for openings in which sincerity, willingness to offer apology, questions of “how did we get here,” if not known or acknowledged, will enable conversation to flow more readily.

Blaming messages will only aggravate and antagonize the climate. Using and repeating the “you” word will also offer ammunition for coming to at least a peaceful co-existence.

Keeping in mind the goal of wanting to clarify whatever may be contributing to the rub between you will better keep you and the other party on track. Derailment will put you back where you started, without having been able to say something you needed to say.

Another consideration may be inviting the presence of a third or fourth party. That will be up to the two principals, of course. Depending on the seriousness of the alienation, disagreement, disruption in relationship, any strategy is worthy of consideration to bring closure to the chasm which exists.

Strained relationships offer tension, anxiety, gnawing concern, even worry. Removing the cause of any of these will provide a more comfortable and day to day serenity. Get the impediments out of the way, remove the road blocks, take a ride together, perhaps in a convertible with the top down, and let the wind blow the past away.

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