Seniors: Learning How to Be

Dec 11th, 2009 | By | Category: Senior Moments Blog

When circumstances get out of hand, particularly at our age, the feeling wells up that you still haven’t learned how to maintain control.  That feels like a slap in the face.  How does it happen when in discussions, the conversation can deteriorate into a misunderstanding, an argument, hurt feelings, unintended consequences?  Control is not something any of us can sustain 24/7/365.  Once in a while we yield to our emotions, or the sense of being taken on by another.  When we do, we have lost what is critical to our integrity and that is maintaining control and calm in the face of conflict.

Learning how to be in control is a lesson in daily discipline.  Watching your own escalating behavior deteriorate in your choice of words, in your allowing anger to well up, in making comments that are off base are the principles of being in control.  Allowing the slippage of your own behavior means that getting a grip on yourself, and fast, is necessary. 

As your own emotions seem to swerve toward the center lane, so that a collision may be inevitable is the moment when correcting your own course is mandatory.  If you do lose control and embarassing results are the result, then be prepared to regain control as soon as possible by making necessary amends.  It may take a while for the situation to be improved and forgotten altogether, but if the relationship is important at all, such initiative will be required and appreciated.

Learning how to be means learning how to regain calm, reinstate control, and to show respect and honor to the person or persons offended.  If your efforts are not received or reciprocated, then the situation will present a larger lesson in learning how to be because it may have cost more than you expected.  Heartfelt learning how to be and acting out that learning will involve a careful and calculated demonstration of changed behavior in order to regain trust and comfort of all involved, including yourself.

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