For Seniors: Is Divorce an Option?

Aug 14th, 2009 | By | Category: Senior Moments Blog

Unless you absolutely, unequivocally, irreconcilably cannot avoid it, the answer is a big fat NO.  All indicators suggest that psychologically and physiologically it is bad for your overall condition.  Now, if the living situation in which a couple  finds themselves is unbearable, abusive and holds no promise for change, then there may likely be no other option.

HOWEVER, pursue counseling before throwing in the towel.  None of us realizes, when caught up in the throes of domestic turmoil, the advantages and assumptions that go with having a partner. Evaluate the pluses and minuses.  Take into account your collective and individual issues.  Discover what peeves and distresses you about the other and get it all out in the open. Discord once exposed and examined objectively may be seen for what it is, a need for some considerable change on the part of one or likely both.

Who takes care of laundry, meals, a clean domicile, financial issues, shopping, and so on?  if the answer to that is both, then likely you have a better relationship than most.  If one is carrying a larger load than the other, it is time to negotiate.  If there are festering, long term aggravations, experienced by one or both, it is time to look for a referee. 

Giving up without attempting to salvage what is good, and likely in the long term to be good for both parties, is a very critical mistake.  On the other hand, staying in the relationship, if it is such that it cannot be repaired, then the union may very well need to be dissolved.  Taking into account all the positives, the amount of investment (emotionally), the dependency each has for the other (not co dependency) are very significant factors before reaching a choice to separate.  It is not easy for either person to endure the trauma that goes with a sudden, swift, and perhaps irrevocable separation.

Of course, it may not be prudent to remain in a relationship which carries with it more negative dynamics than helpful and healthy ones.  Arriving at that determination really does require an outside, objective evaluation which puts into perspective the whole picture.  If the two parties are resolved that they cannot reconcile, then that decision needs to come with emotionally secure determination.  It should not be prompted in the heat of an argument.   

If a marital relationship has experienced  long term differences , the likelihood is that, even with counseling, the outcome may be inevitable.  But, the parties need to have considered the big picture and evaluated their own emotional ability to deal with the consequences.  Economics may also play a part in such a decision, particularly in a downturn economy.

At all costs, give it a chance before taking the leap.  Give  grown children, if any, a chance to hear you out regarding your struggles and needs.  Give your physician a chance to help evaluate the potential up and downsides for you and your health issues.  Talk to person(s) you trust, seek out their counsel.  Sleep apart for several nights, if you haven’t been doing so already, to see how it feels to be alone.  Examine your feelings while taking walks alone, shopping, going out to eat, exercising daily routines alone. 

The most important dynamics having to do with Seniors who are considering a divorce is to be aware of the potentially significant impact upon health and psyche.  If the outcome favors staying together, there will likely still be a need for continuing counseling , both individually and collectively,and a serious facing of unresolved issues.  Do not expect the choice to stay together to mend all the difficulties that brought you to the moment of considering or threatening divorce.  It won’t work and it can’t solve itself.



3 comments
Leave a comment »

  1. […] Read the original here:  For Seniors: Is Divorce an Option? […]

  2. Are you a professional journalist? You write very well.

  3. No, i am not a professional journalist, just one who loves words and loves to write. I suppose I am somewhat like a person who plays piano by ear. I enjoy watching words fall together and blend into a statement, a story, some kind of harmony. I thank you for your very kind and generous remark.

Leave Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.