Blaming Others for Your Immaturity

Nov 8th, 2008 | By | Category: Senior Moments Blog

Blaming someone else for how you feel is an indicator of personal immaturity.

You have heard the line, “You made me feel awful;” or “You make me mad”; or “It was your fault, you should have helped me through it”; or “You made me get upset”.

The list is obnoxiously long and overwhelmingly incorrect. It is based on the concept that someone else is in charge of your emotions, choices and behaviors. That may be your fantasy, but it does not have status in reality.

Behaviors develop out of our own world view and our daily interactive choices with events that intersect with our lives. Placing responsibility on someone else for having created your own foul humor is scape-goating, an effort that rarely solves anything. Most of us have done it. Sometimes we have made a habit of it. Truth be known, deep inside our own psyche, we really are ashamed of our own behavior and can’t bear to own it.

But, own it, we must.

The next time you are in a situation of conflicting emotions, check your thermostat by asking the following:

* Do you demonstrate anger too quickly toward the other person?

*Do you start off with accusatory statements, e.g.: “You always say or do this or that!”

*Are you defensive immediately or do you invite rational conversation about the matter?

*Can you hear it coming before it comes out of your mouth? “You made me mad!”

*Do you allow your emotions to rule your reactions?

*Have you ever evaluated how you manage anger, or if in fact you even try?

*If you are subject to frequent blow ups, have you ever discussed this tendency with a professional?

*Following on a major conflict, how do you deal with the need for reconciliation?

*When it is over, if it is over, are you able to move on having learned something for yourself from the experience?

*If bystanders are involved, do you make recompense with them by apologizing for your responsibility for creating discomfort for them?

If any of the questions suggest you have an anger problem, the wiser choice in all of this is to do some research on behavior… your own. Seek help, admit mistakes to yourself and others, repair damage, and overhaul your own emotional system in order to live a more serene life.

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